So I was idling my time away online as usual.I logged into Blogger as per routine,and accidentally navigated to the drafts section of the posts.Intriguing titles and dangling phrases led me to take a closer look,and I unwittingly stole a few glances at the past me.
Sunday, 29 November 2009
I found a couple of unfinished poems.They weren't anything the world would miss(or even things I would miss for that matter,...naah!I'd be lying if I said that.I am narcissistic enough to miss my own verse,anyway,that's quite besides the point,isn't it?).I really couldn't tell what I was trying to say through the poems though.Somewhere,I think I was on the verge of getting hold of the soul of the poem.With sweet irony though,that beginning brought with it the end.Poof.Draft over.
I also observed a gradual change in my writing style.My older posts were more formal sounding,with attention to grammar,attempts to pay attention to punctuation,with proper and non silly sounding words.With time,I have begun to shy away from attempting poetry,and have stuck to writing post after post about my mundane life sparing the occasional bursts into melancholy,because I'm ashamed to rhyme,afraid to break out,and too busy to spare a few minutes for pondering.
I wonder if micro blogging sites like Twitter, and Facebook updates,have anything to do with my.....impatience.No other word for it.I try to return to my old self,at least when it comes to thought patterns,but it's impossible.That was me then.This is me now.I can't really seek out a past identity of mine and hide beneath it when I'm definitely not the same person underneath anymore.It would be like effectively making null and void whatever's happened to me in the last few months,like erasing a sizeable chunk of my experiences in life.And that's not what I intend to do.
The second best thing I can think of then,is to have a record of what I was like earlier,so that I can look back at some old memories and paint a picture of things as they used to be.Then,in bitter times,I can live on a bit of borrowed sentiment from the past.And that's where old post come in.To me,they are the key to unlocking my younger self.
That's why the sight of unfinished drafts frustrate me.The leave me wondering about what exactly I was thinking then.Sometimes,I remember the circumstances in which I penned a draft,but I do not remember my reactions to that situation.How unfair is that?!
That's why I 'm going to take this moment to remind you all to finish your thoughts.At least whilst you're on Blogger.You might not feel like writing just then,but endeavor to make your thoughts a little more lucid,so you can always come back to it later.Don't deceive yourself :your mind isn't an impenetrable bank,time gets through to everything.You eventually will forget.You might lose a moment of your life in the sense that you will not be able to remember what that moment revolved around.
Sorry if I sound half crazed,but I just want to impress upon you that your identity is the most important thing you can ever own,and so, a ManU vs. Arsenal showdown definitely does not justify leaving your thoughts unfinished.
I'll talk more when I'm not being strange rambling girl (which is what many of you must have begun to call me in your head,I'm sure).
Friday, 13 November 2009
My semester has come to an end.You know what that means--->end semester exams.Sob!Anyway,I was about to tell you that I have my linear algebra paper tomorrow and that I began preparations in earnest last night,hoping to appease the rather stuck up gods that control the fates of all victims of mathematics.
Despite the honorable intentions,I fared miserably in my attempt to study.Deciding music would help clear my mind,I fetched my CD player and plugged it in(no,I do not like listening to music on a pod or mp3 or any other device which requires me to use headphones,earphones or anything of the like).I got further pissed when I couldn't locate my CD collection.Going with the desperation the hour demanded,I hit play,resigning myself to listening to whatever was in the blasted thing.
Imagine my pleasant surprise when some lovely Hindustani music notes filled the air!Frankly,I don't listen to much classical music myself.That's not to say that I don;t enjoy it,it's just not my first choice.The music was slow.Non distracting.It remained in the background.Mightily please,I went about my cramming.Every now and then however,I couldn't help but devote my attention completely to the music.There was some soulful raag alaap before every song.I particularly enjoyed the one set to the raaga Hamsadhwani. Some of you Carnatic music enthusiasts may know of the raaga Kaanada,it's my favourite,coz it inherently seems like a twang of melancholy.Last night,I discovered my second favourite--Bhoop. :) I couldn't help but digress,and spent some happy moments humming along with the CD.
It's true what they say,isn't it,about classaical music being one of the purest forms of music?My mother says that is among the few forms of music that can manage to pull anyone away from what they're doing(not that my case counts,coz almost anything manages to pull me away from math...still).
The tunes;they rose,they fell,they meandered,and they never failed to amaze.Aw shucks,I'm rambling here.I wouldn't know.
What I do know is that last evening,I got some good studying done.This might even be the first time in living memory that I enjoyed algebra,and that definitely is something to celebrate!
Alright,I've got some nasty exams lined up for me.Till later,then. :)