Shuffled...

I've been wondering, ever since I got to know that I passed my 11th boards ,about leavin for college next year.....COLLEGE ...I can almost see an arrow pointing towards that coveted destination..where dreams come true,when you are finally in the "real" world(whts up wid dat real stuff anyway???),when you are able to translate every hazy idea that ever resided in the recesses of your mind-into concrete action,when you are matured enough to know that friendship need not necessarily follow the idylllic Californian style (read THE OC ...;) ..),
when the zones of education,interaction,innovation,discussion,fun,leisure,activity and inspiration fuse together like a musical masterpiece!!!
Is leavin home going to be as easy as dreaming about college,though?A well rehearsed "NO "
forms in my brain,,,ok,let's be adventurous and say it will be easy..coz you'll just be swept away in that tide of change....but what happens when the dust settles ?When fresher parties come to an end,when hostel life nightmares take center stage, and when the glow of independence dims in view of the security you had at home?And i'm not talking about padlocked doors here...but about knowing that help is just two three letter words away (MOM ...DAD)...Don't get me wrong ...it's not a rhetorical statement,i know tons of young people who are strong enough to deal with all this and more....my question is :How do you know if YOU are of that type?

It's during such troubled times that I fondly wish that Madam Trelawney were for real...what wouldn't i give to cut across the threshold between the present and the future,watch the future me unravel,and get back in good time to make decisions to that effect?If you think about it,that might almost definitely guarantee you a perfect life....and as far as I know ,not even EBAY has got deals like that!!!

So I'm trying to devise an alternative formula...I'm going to work hard in the subjects I've got a n apitiude for,prepare myself this year for a latchkey life ,apply for possible colleges and contentedly graduate in the one that will accept me,without seeking solace from 101 different counselling sessions from the people around me ...believe me ,the less you obsess,the more the probability of your obsession coming true!!!
I know it sounds like i'm giving up,but it's not .It's a theory that's simple and that's bound to work for me ,and the reason i know it will work is that it's simple and straight from the heart.

What is happiness really?
It's pure ,untainted contentment ...

sounds pretty simple doesn't it???

Of colours and chameleons ...

I'm back refreshed!I spent a lovely weekend with my family in the beaches of Puri and the metros of Kolkata ,and i'm raring to get back into gear!!!
Iwas staying at this lovely little cottage in Puri,and one wet morning,i noticed a tiny chameleon right on the window ledge...true to its fame,ithad turned a grainy pebbly brown , and sat in wait of...its morning meal,probably.That's what i was doing too,and so...i didnt give much thought to it and hit room service on the dialing pad!!!
After a mouthwatering breakfast and a languid lunch,i noticed this chameleon had set up camp in the lawn .Dwarfed by the tall blades of grass,it lurked unnoticed in the dewy sea of green...and i probably wouldnt have noticed it if i hadn't been looking for it ,subconsciously .
The shadows lengthened ,and soon it was evening.In true beach parlance,our little friend was dressed in the fiery red of sea- corals ,enjoying a siesta on the rocks.

It's funny how i thought to myself"Here I am,quite caught up in the devilishly wonderful ability of being able to blend into your surroundings,why im kinda chameleonish myself."

I'l admit,i'm pretty anthrophobic.I'm scared of people's opinions of me ,my ideas and anything remotely connected with me,my ideas.....So i tend to adapt or change myself into what the people around me percieve me to be.That 's quite a ludicrous loop i've got going there,coz how will people ever percieve me to be anything at all,if i decide to be something only based on their percievings...but well,that's how it is with me.

So I see myself shrinking from taking out my workbook and doing some li'l sum when all around,my classmates are busy comparing their Louis Vuittons...and i feel very conspicuous when i'm stuck wearing some cargoes and a tee,clutching an ipod in one hand,and a group of of my friends comes back from the temple,asking me why i didn't get up early enough to go pray with them...

I guess, im scared ,like my little friend .I'm scared that the minute I decide to be different,I will be preyed on -preyed on by the little circle of people that i know and,apparently,*understand *.
That's why I've trained myself in camouflage...I would love to be one of those humans with an unwavering sense of self confidence,and a non-erasable streak of courage...
Well,i'm running out of time now,i'l probably want to sleep on this,and ponder over it the next time i unlock Blogger....

That's what I should do.....isn't it?
*sighs in doubt*